25 With No Prospect In Sight: Why I'm Still Single & Okay With It

I want to start off this post with one of the most relevant quotes I've seen when it comes to love and dating:
"Stop waiting for love and start living. There are many stories your life is meant to tell. Finding love is just one chapter." 
-Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life Love & a Dash of Sass 

I was asked recently if it bothered me that yet another one of my friends had gotten engaged. My answer-- No. I'm happy for my friends. They deserve to be happy, just as I do. My friends are good people, so naturally I want them to fall in love and find their "Happily Ever After." 

Do I hope to find "it" (true love) someday?
Of course. But remember, all good things come in good time.

Do I often see older singles and pray I'm not destined to a purgatory of singleness?
Yes. I mean, isn't it human nature to want someone to connect with on a bizarrely personal level? I think we all "want" someone to share our lives with, to feel insanely in love with. At least, that's what I want. I read a lot, and I know true love isn't a fairy-tale, it's actual work. But I do envision finding someone I'm so crazy happy spending my life with I can't imagine it any other way.

Do I feel left out, alone, or hopeless without companionship?
Definitely not. There are so many things I still need to figure out about myself. There are times when I scroll through my social media feeds and see people looking extremely happy and in love, and sort of want it. But I'm just not ready yet. I don't think there's a timeline for when it's appropriate to "settle down" or "find love." I really just want to take things as they come. And until then, I'm praying and asking God to send that special someone to me when I'm ready for him. Now is not that time. 

Do I think I've met "the one" yet? 
Not at all. I can't imagine that my two previous long term relationships were anything like the love I dream of having one day. I thought I loved both of those guys; and if I thought I loved them as much as I did, I can only imagine what a love between Mr. Right might be like! 

Do I like being single? 
I can't say I've gotten to a point where I "love" being single. But I've been on my own for a little over a year now, and I'm okay with it. I think God is definitely giving me this time to figure my life out, so even if I don't love it, being patient is key for me right now. And honestly, with as much as I have going on personally, it's probably best I have only myself to consider at the moment.

The questions I posed above set a precedence on where my thoughts are headed for this post. I've been considering it for a few weeks, trying to gather my thoughts and decide what exactly I wanted to say. But I sort of knew I wanted my next personal post to sum up exactly what the title says "Why I'm Still Single.."

It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the timing. Well, maybe that's a lie. It does sort of have to do with me. I just mean, it's not because there's anything wrong with me, and more so because I'm just not ready.

You ask why I'm not ready... 

I'm 25. Why wouldn't I be throwing myself out there, tripping over every shoe of any possible suitor with his life together just to lasso one in? It would basically be like Cinderella waving her other glass slipper in front of their face's saying, "Which one of you has the match? Come find me! Over here, Prince Charming!" 

But the truth is, being ready and wanting someone are two different things. Yes, I want someone. But I was tied down to two (wrong) someone's for five years, so I'm now old enough and mature enough to recognize all that I still have to prove to me, myself and I before placing myself into the hands of that guy with my matching slipper. 

Often, we want someone because we love the idea of them. We dream of what finding the person will be like:

• if it will be love at first sight 
• if we'll meet them at a coffee shop
• on a creepy online dating site (it was fate) 
• through a friend of a friend
• at our workplace (which could elicit drama)
• or maybe even because we rear-ended him/her while too busy texting at a busy intersection to realize the traffic had stalled, AGAIN.

And we want someone so much, that we fail to realize that they haven't landed on our radar yet because we're simply not ready.  

As much as I hate to admit to myself I'm not ready, I am at a place in my life where I can't keep telling myself useless lies that do not/can not/will not change the facts: I'm not ready. 

I have so many things I still need to figure out about myself. I've read all of those sappy quotes about "loving oneself first" and "being content alone." And while it may be hard to swallow, I think those sayings are very beneficial.

One in particular from one of my favorite single women out there, Mandy Hale, really sticks out in my mind. In Mandy's book, she says, "Happily Single is holding out for the best and letting go of the rest. It's saying 'I will and I can' to yourself before you say 'I do' to someone else. It means you're not looking for a better half because you are already whole. And ultimately, it means that someday when you do invite someone to join you for your journey, it will be because he complements your life, not because he completes it." 

Did you catch that? It's very important. 

Let's review what she says again: "...you're not looking for a better half because you're already whole...someday when you do invite someone to join you for your journey, it will be because he complements your life, not because he completes it." 

Those key phrases in that exerpt are so vital to this point in my life, and possibly, many of yours. You have to remember that you need no man or woman to complete you. You should comprise a life of such wonderful and positive things that you don't feel the need to escape from it or have someone rescue you from it. Once you're happy with the person you've become and proven to yourself that you can be not only happy, but successful and strong on your own, only then will you be ready to find a soul mate who "complements" this wondrous and complex person you already are!

Me, I'm not yet happy with who I am or what I've accomplished on my own. 

I'd like to lose the weight I want to lose, get my Master's, and get a dependable job with excellent benefits. Once I've done those things, I will have proven to myself I am capable of standing on my own two feet and doing what I put my mind to. I will have gotten to a place mentally and physically where I had put myself first and accomplished things that I once felt were impossible. Then, I will be ready to invite another person into my life.
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A friend of mine went to a movie by herself a few weeks back.

It was a huge step for her. It's a huge step for anyone. Going out to eat at a busy dine-in restaurant is also very hard for most people. But by going to that movie by herself, she proved that she could enjoy her own companionship. She didn't need another person to define whether she had a good night. She wanted to see a particular movie, so she went to see it to please herself, and not because of underlying pressure or a need to please another person.

When I was still with my college boyfriend, he often tried to manipulate me into going to Pharmacy School. But ultimately, I knew it was because he wanted to reap the benefits of my handsome paycheck. He was the type of guy that would have loved to stay home and attempt entrepreneurship while I busted my butt doing 12 hour shifts behind a counter. And while I wasn't sure yet what my God-given path was, I knew it wasn't to choose a career I felt bullied into by a pushy boyfriend.

That same guy used to often tell me I'd never go anywhere in life, I'd never make good money, and that I didn't have a drive or competitive bone in my body. Yet here I am, three years later, going after my dreams without him. 

That drive I was accused of lacking is the same drive that gave me the courage to dump him, and the same drive that came from within and led to my creating this blog and working towards making my makeup artistry more of a reality. It's that same drive even now that pushes me to put myself out there in hopes that I can reach out to others', and the drive that is pushing me towards graduate school.

Let me tell you, it takes guts to put yourself and your work out there for people to take notice of and critique.

And then there was my post-grad boyfriend, who made me feel worthless for a hot minute when he cheated on me last year with a married woman. But I got back up and didn't let that define my worth. In a way, I feel that God worked such a dark circumstance out in my favor, because I snapped out of it and realized I was destined for much more. I realized I'd been settling when I didn't have to do that. And that when the time was right for me, I wouldn't have to beg, compromise my values or "let things slide" just to keep someone in my life.

I remember when I was in the midst of heartbreak many times over in those unhealthy relationships, and all I could do was pray to God to work them out. But now, I look back on it and realize he never intended to "work it out" because he had bigger plans in store for me. He already has a man picked out for me that I've yet to meet. And for that, I am grateful those past relationships failed. I don't have hard feelings towards either guy; they just weren't meant for me.

My point is, I didn't need them or anyone else telling me my worth. I am defining my worth, one step at a time. It's me that is hustling, working hard to become the woman I aspire to be.

I'm not saying that all of you will never meet your soul mate until after you've reached all of your career goals. There are many people who find their future husbands and wives while they're still a work in progress. But for me personally --for my journey, surviving a few years of emotional abuse have taught me that I need to prove to myself I am capable before I am mentally ready to invite someone along on my journey.

Once I am in a healthy mental state, a healthy physical state, and can see that I am in control of my happiness, then I'll be ready. 

Accepting that I'm not ready is what has ultimately led to my praying daily for the man God is preparing for me.

I pray for his well being, for God to introduce us when it is most suitable, for this man to be a man of faith, and for me to be patient until that time comes. I know he's out there. And I know if I'm not ready, then he's most likely not ready, either. I think praying for anyone in our lives can change the dynamic of our relationship with them, it can change their hearts or circumstances, or even prepare them to be a positive addition to our lives --in my case. We just have to keep open hearts and minds, and trust that God's timing and his stringent control will help us find the answers (or the people) we're looking for.

I hope that by reading this, you realize that you're not a slave to the timeline of your life. And there's no point in comparing yourself to the places that others' in your life are in. We all want similar things, but we are all directed down different routes to find those things. The journey is everything.

So, to sum it up, I'm still single because I'm not ready. And when I am, that will change.