I've had more time for self-reflection lately, especially since my job was recently dumped into part-time purgatory. It's hard to struggle with the long-lasting weight battle and see others in my fitness community who are flying through their journey at tip-top speed while I work hard and get nothing to show for it. But I am learning that my journey can never compare to or be the same as another's.
This past year-and-a-half have been a whirlwind for me. I won't go into details about all the personal things I have battled, but the stress and complicatedness have made it near impossible (for the first time ever) for me to lose weight. In the past, I've been able to cut back on junk food, regulate mealtimes, and exercise a little with no trouble of dropping a few lbs. When I began my weight loss journey last January, I assumed I'd be a whole different person by now. Sadly, I am not.
Mentally, yes, I am a different person because of what I have overcome, but I am not physically any better off than I was in 2014.
After a major struggle and failure after failure to lose or keep any of the 11 lbs I initially lost off, I decided to branch out and do the Couch to 5k. Of course, that program has inspired many people to pick up running and drop more weight, so I naturally wanted to try it even though I'd never been a runner. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I wasn't so confident in myself that I thought I'd be able to complete it.
But surprisingly, for the first time in my life, I pushed past the mental and physical barriers, completing the program. Growing up, I couldn't even run a mile, so it was a huge non-scale victory for me.
I didn't actually ever get up to running 3.0 miles, though, because I am a slow runner. Couch to 5k wants it's runners to be doing a 5k in 30 minutes by the end of the program. I was only getting a little under 2.5 miles in 30 minutes. But I wasn't deterred. I was even more motivated to prove to myself that I could do it.
My papaw (whom we lost to cancer in October 2013) was the type of man who could do anything he wanted. He was hard-headed and a near genius, and I never saw him fail at anything. He designed and built his house by hand, remodeled without permits, baked homemade cakes and goods for the nurses when my mamaw was in the nursing home, and was a self-taught engineer lording over an entire coal mine. I knew I wanted to be like him. I wanted to let his legacy live on, to prove to myself that I could do anything I wanted just like he did. I was determined to.
Sadly, I was unable to keep up with the running for a few months because I began having ankle pains from running the longer distances, which were brought on by my need for more arch support-- I am extremely flat-footed. And now--present day-- I have lost a lot of my progress from being out of running for about three months.
With a new year having just begun, I decided I would be more motivated than ever this year. I'd continue to live out that legacy, and I'd continue on towards my goal to run the Hokie Half Marathon. Virginia Tech is my alma mater, so when I saw the cool Hokie medal and VT 13.1 car sticker someone on my Facebook got for running it, I knew I wanted that to be my main goal.
This week I started the Couch to 10k, which is basically a continuation of the Couch to 5k. I figured it was as good of a start as any, and would get me further than the 5k program.
I am looking forward to a 2015 filled with weight loss struggles and victories, with further and more adventurous runs, with more program completions, and to grow stronger mentally and physically. I know if I can mentally overcome the hurdles running throws at me, then I can make it to that half marathon. I am so excited to reach my goals, to work hard and reach them. I guess I mostly just wanted to share this, because I wanted to tell everyone that even when it's hard and it's not going how we planned, it's still worth it.
The journey is my priority. The journey is all that matters. After all, it is the journey that makes us who we are, not the destination we arrive at.
So, here's to transforming myself during this 25th year.
And here's to naturally thin, lifelong best friends who will join us on our running journeys and be beside us every step of the way! I am blessed.
xx
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