Five Lifelong Lessons I Learned from College

Upon reflection on how much of a mess my life is as of late, I felt that a post on this topic seemed fitting. There are an array of things I discovered during college, but college was never ultimately the place where I would find myself. No, there is still so much left on my journey to self-discovery, but those four years were vital to the journey. It was my first step down that path of figuring out who I am and what I want most out of life. 

As basic as they may be, I have devised a mini list of the five most inherent lifelong lessons I learned as a college student. Seeing as I have been out of college nearly three years, I've had time to decipher them. And I'd like to share them with you, because--like me--you face an indecisive, solo journey into becoming who you are meant to be. And frankly, sometimes it can be scary and lonely.

1. Enjoy and embrace solitude.

My junior year of college was the first one my boyfriend (of over a year) and I were managing a long-distance relationship. All of my friends already had roommates, so I ended up finding some girls to live with via Craigslist. I know, right? Craigslist has been known to have killers, but these girls were luckily just college students. 

One of the girls basically lived at her boyfriend's place, so we hardly saw her. And the other one ended up moving back home for her blossoming relationship at the end of fall semester. So, here I was, for the first time, forced to live by myself. 

It was definitely a big adjustment for me. I'm shy until I know people, but I'm also social and like being around others, and I'd never been on my own before. Suddenly, I was doing grocery shopping alone, listening to the noisy neighbors alone, cooking and stocking my cabinets alone, turning out all the lights for bedtime alone, and just plain alone. 

I spent weeks crying over my boyfriend not being there, over living alone and coming home to an empty space. I never went out and partied much during college because it wasn't my prerogative, so I didn't even have that to keep me "out of the house" so-to-speak. 

Towards the end of that semester, my roommate and her pot-smoking boyfriend starting sleeping at my apartment, and by then I'd adjusted to my solitude and found myself annoyed that they didn't continue staying at his place. That semester was so vital to my self-growth. I learned that I could make it on my own: that I enjoyed having my private space, I could clean how and when I wanted, and I could wonder into my kitchen in my underwear to get a late night snack if the mood struck. I'd never had that before, so naturally, I reveled in it.

I am currently looking to move to a whole new state, and I'm determined to live by myself when I do. I'm anxious to have my own space to decorate and call home. But those vital moments of aloneness in college gave me the courage and insight into what it felt like to be truly independent. I am thankful for that.

2. Going to college doesn't give you all of the answers. 

From a young age, my parents stressed to my sister and me how important college was. They both only had Associate's Degrees, and they wanted us to get a good college education so we could find good jobs.

Like the dutiful daughter and studious adolescent I was, I enrolled in college at Virginia Tech. My friends were all going to college. And after high school, it seemed like the obvious next step. We all just kind of filed into our new schools that fall seeking the same things: success, answers, direction. 

But what our parents and our guidance counselors and teachers failed to explain to us, was that just because you get a college degree doesn't mean you'll walk away with a diploma and the answers to leading a fulfilling life. 

I graduated in 2012 with a B.A. in English with a concentration in Professional Writing, which covers an array of technical and business writing skills, grant writing, publishing and design. But here I am, almost three years later, with not much to show for and a passion for something else entirely. If I'd known what my calling was in fall of 2008, I may have taken a different route. I don't regret my years at VT because I know it was meant for me. That school still feels like home, but it's also proof that I was just as clueless as the next student. For our entire lives we are in school, so obviously when school is over, many of us struggle with "what's next?" 

When I graduated, I was strong, more independent, smarter and more cultured, but I still didn't have a clue where my road would take me. And most days, I'm still aimlessly seeking my destination. 

3. People are not always going to operate under the "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" mantra.

I had to learn this one the hard way. Growing up in a small town, I was always nice and polite to people. I got the "Friendliest" superlative in high school, and I assumed that being nice to people warranted respect in return. 

I learned really quickly that is not the case. Some people are just rotten. I don't know if they just don't have a conscience or what, but some people just don't care who they mow down. We have to learn to speak up and stand up for ourselves, or people will always mow us down to suit themselves.  

I'm not saying not to trust anyone ever (I'm not going to be a woman scorned), but we have to draw the line between being nice and being taken advantage of.

4. It's okay to derive your own meaning from college. 

Yes, I know. College is supposed to be all about partying and "living it up." But not everyone likes to party five days a week. Some of us like to read books, spend weekends curled up under fuzzy blankets watching movies, or plan hikes and dinner dates with friends. 

You may feel like you have to live up to some standard of how college is meant to be, but that's not true at all. Just like in anything, some of us like to drink and be party animals and some of us don't. Whether you are a party animal or a homebody, neither is wrong. We are all unique individuals. And if college is the foundation on which you begin your mission of self-discovery, then you should find personal definition in what college means to you. 

What will you take away from it? What will you spend your time doing during college, and how does that satisfy you? Regardless, being true to yourself and your own needs and desires are what is going to lead you down the right road. We are all in the same boat, all learning along the way, trying to find our rightful place in the world. Have fun, experiment, and just find a balance between studying and what makes you happy.

5. My journey is uniquely my own and will never mirror another's.

Sometimes, when I am feeling a bit lost on this journey as a twenty-something, I start to compare where I am in my life to where my friends are in their own. I find myself struggling to cope with the fact they are already married, already have their dream job, or are travelling the world while I'm stuck stationary at a desk every week. 

And it was something I dealt with in college as well. It's always easy to look at someone in your same major of study and compare their extracurriculars to yours, their success in and out of class, and wonder how you'll ever get the job you want with people like him/her to compete with. While I did have extracurriculars and good grades, I still doubted myself because I am only human.

I am here to tell you, though, that your journey is uniquely yours. You will never be on the same path as your friends or classmates or colleagues, because we all have different purposes or callings. My friends who have the same degree as me are all doing different things, many of which are just amazing! And no, I'm not jealous, I'm simply old enough to recognize that my road winds a different way than theirs. And so does yours! 

I hope this post resonates with some of you and gives you some insight like it has me. 

xx